A few weeks ago, I wrote this amazing 1000 word post describing an incident that had happened with another blogger. It was honest, heart-felt, open…and also filled with little jabs and zingers like “this blogger is trying to solve integrals when she only knows basic math.” I even had a picture showing integrals. It was an emotion-filled vent on the surface, but a petty post at the core, and I didn’t realize it until the next morning. As part of that post, I wrote:
In situations like this, the only thing to do (other than eat that pint of ice cream in the freezer) is to “be like Christ” and try to understand where she’s coming from.
After I wrote that line, I took a moment, said a quick prayer asking for understanding, finished my post, hit the “Save Draft” button and then went to sleep. (If you know you might be a little emotional, then you definitely want to sleep before you post.) That night, I dreamt that I was vacationing on a tropical island – beautiful, calm, serene – paradise. I woke up feeling amazing. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Why? Because I actually understood what had happened. I understood the other blogger and her perspective. She was still wrong, but I understood her. And that was all I needed. That morning, I posted about something completely different. That lengthy 1000-word post was relegated to permanent draft status.
Here’s the thing about being a blogger. A good portion of us are women, and if we’re being 100% honest, when you have a large group of women together, there is usually DRAMA. I would say 99% of all drama stems from misjudgement or misunderstanding, or a combination of both. And like a snowball turning into an avalanche, drama can easily spread from one blogger to a whole network of bloggers. Most of the time, it isn’t pretty. And most of the time, it isn’t pretty for any of the parties involved.
At times like that, I think we could all use a little bit of time to find our own emotional tropical island paradises – taking a moment to step back out of the drama and look for the big picture, look for understanding. Understanding doesn’t mean you have to agree – it just means you have to see where that person is coming from. When you separate your head from your emotions, you’ll start to see that most of the comments that are made don’t need a response. You can let it just drift down your Twitter stream like a leaf flowing down the river or just delete the comment and ignore.
To help all of us have a more drama-free blogging experience, you can follow these simple steps if someone takes a jab or says something mean about you.
- Do NOT respond. Many times, our knee-jerk reaction is to say something that we “think” is witty or is a good zinger back. It usually isn’t as witty or as zingy as you think, so it’s best not to do it.
- Take a deep breath. This is to help calm down any emotions that perked up when you first read the comment. Breathe deeply, ooohm, or hee-hee-hee-hooooooo. Whatever you need to do to get calm. Do this for at least a minute, even if you think you’re calm. You can also watch this video – it will help zen you out:
- Do something else for at least 10 minutes. This is just another step to help detach emotions from the scenario. Write a blog post, watch TV, prepare breakfast – do something to take your mind off the comment for a solid 10 minutes or more. Do NOT think about the comment during this time. If you do, reset the 10 minute clock.
- Do you still want to say something? Do you know the person? Do they know you? If you answered “no” to either of these questions, IGNORE THE COMMENT. About 100% of the time, people who DO know you will rise to your defense and you get to stay on the high road.
- Is the comment particularly mean, disrespectful or rude? DELETE THE COMMENT. Keeping comments that are any of those things is like allowing someone drag dirt throughout your home and not cleaning it up. They may be visitors, but ultimately the blog is your house. Feel free to clean up any dirt that other people try to leave.
- Walk away. If you’ve reached this step, you’ve decided to either ignore the comment or delete the comment. Now you can walk away with your peace still intact! Remember “sticks and stones.” 🙂
Staci @ 7 on a Shoestring says
November 2, 2011 at 11:23 amGreat advice! Thank you for being transparent and sharing. 🙂
Melanie says
November 2, 2011 at 11:29 amThis is really a great post. I often read the “drama” on other pages and wonder why it is necessary. Thank you for representing Christian’s in the Light and may you be blessed by your choices.
Miriam says
November 2, 2011 at 12:52 pmThank you for your comment! I don’t think drama is ever necessary, but with so many emotions tied into blogs, it makes it much harder to avoid. Peace & blessings to you as well!
stephanie paul says
November 2, 2011 at 12:20 pmHow wise you are,I belive in do unto others as you would have done to you. What you do will come back around to either bless or curse you. forgive and forget and move on…there are so many wonderful things that could take up space in your head. thanks for the tips. I really like your blog
Miriam says
November 2, 2011 at 12:50 pmPreach it sista! It’s like the song goes, “I woke up this morning with my mind stayin on Jesus!” We control our minds, the minds don’t control us. So do we want to spend time mulling over drama or appreciating the blessings?
Thanks so much for your support! 🙂
denise says
November 2, 2011 at 3:40 pmgreat words of wisdom…
Angie says
November 2, 2011 at 4:45 pmWhat a great post. I think we can all use a reminder to just let things sit for awhile instead of reacting immediately. I used to write for a well know website, and on my blog posts, I would often get horrible comments – especially about my choice to have a large family. I’ve learned that you just can’t take them personally. You can’t please 100% of the people 100% of the time…. and I’m ok with that.
JamericanSpice says
November 2, 2011 at 6:08 pmThis is a great post and I do agree. I say walk away. Take a day even and trust me, you might just feel different about wanting to say something or not.
Visiting from Alexa PITM
Jennifer Medeiros says
November 2, 2011 at 8:21 pmThis is a great, well-written post, Miriam. Thank you for sharing!
Emmi says
November 2, 2011 at 8:37 pmThanks for this post. I’ve felt that way many a times and I’m happy that you gave some great tips on how to handle it the right way!
Anastasia says
November 3, 2011 at 1:01 amGreat advice for real life too 😉
Kristin says
November 5, 2011 at 8:04 pmSuch great advice. I find that I really get tired of the ‘drama’ that comes with blogging.
Jan Messali says
April 10, 2012 at 1:10 amI read your post a while back and remember thinking that I’m fortunate I’ve never had a rude comment left on my blog. I did, however, run into a similar situation in my daily life recently and I thought about this post. I was glad I remembered what you shared, to do something else for 10 minutes before saying anything. Thanks so much!
Sarah L says
April 29, 2012 at 10:40 pmVery good advice. I try never to be rude either on blogs or in person. It never does me any good to do so.
barbara Tryon says
June 15, 2012 at 6:35 pmI really enjoyed reading this, thank you. This has happened to me and I wanted to post something back to someone, but as I was typing I thought well “this is just not gonna go anywhere” So I never did post anything back. I think a lot of people could learn from this.
Jennifer Hiles says
June 22, 2012 at 9:11 pmCompletely agree with you. I don’t know how many times I’ve bit my tongue, slept on it, and woke up the next day thankful for a swollen tongue.
Rebecca L says
October 2, 2012 at 2:06 amThank you for this post, how understanding you are of other People, definitely like this post!
Betsy Rubendall Barnes says
November 15, 2012 at 12:55 pmThis is great advise! I did very well using some of these during the elections 🙂
Gail Gray says
December 22, 2012 at 11:09 pmI think there is a lot of wisdom and common-sense advice in this post. Thank you for sharing it — its contents applies to more than just bloggers, and I think I’ll be saving a few more draft myself in the future, to allow an overnight reflection. 🙂
carla bonesteel says
February 22, 2013 at 10:33 amMy Grandma always tells, if you want to react to someone, or tell them how you feel, when you’re upset, write it down, read it later, save it, read it again…you probably won’t say it or send it. LOL
Lisa R says
March 4, 2013 at 2:12 pmI agree but sometimes there are exceptions. If the situation is not getting solved then sometimes you have to speak up. I mean if the person comtinues to take advantage.
sibabe64 at ptd dot net
Amanda Williams says
April 5, 2013 at 8:03 pmThese days it shows a lot of responsibility and good raising when someone does not react to hurt someone when they hurt you. I agree with the fact that when women get together, there is always drama. I used to live on a Marine Corps base and when our husbands were deployed, all the women would sit outside and gossip. It got so ridiculous that me and my children would go to the park or somewhere else than playing on our block because I didn’t want to be involved in the negativity. Good for you!