Along with spring and summer comes warm weather, and with warm weather comes people shedding their clothes to either cool off, or to strut their stuff to try to procure a mate (seriously….it’s mating season y’all – you think it’s just for animals?) As women around the world start showing more and more skin, it becomes blatantly obvious that the rules of modesty have disappeared and the “shorter is better” mentality has grasped hold of many of the female gender. This is BAD! My fellow women, wearing short skirts only makes us look cheap and easy. The shorter the skirt, the less respectable we appear.
Ladies I propose that we rebel against short skirts! Let’s throw away skirts that show off our cottage cheese thighs! Let’s reject skirts that make us look like strippers. Let’s just say “NO” to hoochie-mamma clothing!
As part of my BAN THE HOOCHIE SKIRT movement, here are a few guidelines that you can use to help determine whether that skirt is too short:
1. If the amount of skin showing between the bottom of your skirt and your knee is equal to or MORE than the length of the skirt, your skirt is TOO SHORT!
2. If any butt cheekage is peeking out from underneath your skirt, your skirt is TOO SHORT!
3. If you can’t walk up stairs, ride escalators or bend over to pick something up without flashing the person walking behind you, your skirt is TOO SHORT!
4. If you have to push your skirt down so that people can’t look up it while you’re sitting, your skirt is TOO SHORT!
5. If one gust of wind can show the world your undies, your skirt is TOO SHORT! Minus 2 points if you don’t even try to push the skirt back down.
6. If the word “mini” is in the style name of the skirt, it is TOO SHORT!
7. If your boots cover up more skin than your skirt, your skirt is TOO SHORT!
I think these are 7 pretty simple rules to determine whether or not a skirt is too short. Here’s an example of a skirt that is just the right length. Notice that it successfully avoids all of the over-exposure problems pictured in numbers 1-7. It’s stylish and feminine without making you look like a floozy.
I hope you’ll support me in the efforts to ban hoochie mamma skirts and to reclaim respectability for our gender!
Photos courtesy of
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ianmcburnie/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/dazzler83/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/fred_dela/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/phrog8v8r/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/zsoolt/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/iirraa/ / http://www.flickr.com/photos/goddess-arts/ / CC BY-NC 2.0